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| Saturday, February 28, 2009 |
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| sometimes, i just like to be busy. hell-ass busy. so that my mind wouldn't have time to wander off and start thinking about nonsensical things. :p |
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| nicky ♥ 10:47 AM |
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| Tuesday, February 17, 2009 |
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jus read kiki's blog.... found that her entries made lots of sense... its true that something's been missing in my life... but i.ve no idea what i'm missing... and army just made it worse... its like, i felt that i'm wasting/throwing away 2 yrs of my life like that... 2 yrs of my life- gone like that! *woosh
some ppl would say that it's a duty and honour for me to defend my country, but u noe wad, its all completely bull***t. seriously. the things that we learnt inside, all the things that we do inside, all of them just make me feel like emigrating and leaving this country forever. and not come back. oh, mebbe for chinese new year and xmas, and on my bro's wedding. :D
but on the other hand, there r just too many things left here. my mum, for one. altho she says that she wouldnt mind me working overseas, it's v obvious that she would be v yi yi bu she if i really went overseas to work. and all my other family members- my dad, my bro, my cousins, and my group of frens, people like tj, jesse, ruth, my BFF!, FOS, just to name a few..
i alwaes see my platoon mates all having fun in NS, in whatever they are doing... and the problem is that i alwaes try to click with them, to talk to them, to participate in whatever they're doing; i alwaes try to not think so much whenever the trg starts, so that i can somehow try to enjoy myself in NS as much as i can without feeling as miserable as i am alr. but it alwaes fails. it alwaes fucking fails.
issit becos i'm growing older and older? i wasnt like this in the past... u can take a look at my past entries... they're all filled with so much laughter, so much fun, so much 'HAHAs' and stuff like that... my recent entries are all, on the contray, moody, emo, and full of 'SIGHs' and stuff like that. why?! why?! why?! i.ve lost interest in writing- i wanted to continue Mirrors 2, but somehow, after i planned out the brief story line and all the characters, my mind would become totally blank and i wouldnt be able to write anything nice out. mebbe it's due to the perfectionist streak in me when it comes to writing, i alwaes wanted to write very nice stories that ppl would read and enjoy. but nowadays, when i try to write, nothing substantial comes out. and it's scaring me. it's scaring me alot. has army done all of these to me?
thank goodness BFF re-introduced me to the world of cosplay again.. it's like an avenue for me to express my identity and explore my freedom again, away from all the restrictions that army is imposing on me... BFF, if u're reading this, kanpatei~ don't overwork yrself, and i noe that joo can succeed both in yr work and in yr studies!!! and to quote from yr entry, let's both find that spark in our lives once again to get everything going!
everytime sunday evening comes, my mood would totally drop down. once it's almost time for me to book in, i alwaes become emo-momo again. i dunno if my frens realized it anot.. everytime i go out on saturdaysor friday nights, i would be super high and be the high point in the outing and crack jokes and stuff; when i go out on sundays, i would be like, sian sian like that, and become v quiet, only talking when it's absoultely necessary.
nozomanakereba nani mo, okoranai. - but the problem is, i.ve been wishing for alot of things already. and yet, nothing, absolutely nothing, has happened as of now. well, i suppose that's the end of all the ranting that i wanna say for now. til the next post!
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| nicky ♥ 9:55 PM |
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